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 Post subject: Re: Baja Manitoba Free Press
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2018 4:31 am 
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Checking in again; it's been about four months since my last post.

I have started a new intense therapy called EMDR that hopefully help me set aside bad events and not think about them much, and if I do, it is a brief thing that passes in a second or two. I think it is going to be fun, and I certainly need it. I still get panic attacks, as a matter of fact I had one three months ago. I was talking to my friends, sitting in a chair without arms. I put my hand on my sternum and said I don't feel well, then with my eyes still closed I said that I felt dizzy like I do when waking up after fainting. What I did not know was that I was laying on the floor, not in the chair. I have no memory of falling. I couldn't move without hurling so I stayed there. I asked for some Benadryl which works on my vertigo, then stayed there for about fifteen or twenty minutes.

In the meanwhile, I asked them to call James, my son, who came over and helped me get cleaned up so we could get an Uber ride home. I was still not all that clean, but relived to get back to my place.

I now wish I had never said anything to my family doctor. He had me get tested for seizure disorders. It was a grueling process where they try to provoke a seizure with physical stress like forced fast hard breathing for five minutes and then strobe lights starting slow and going faster and faster. I guess I'm glad to know I don't have a seizure disorder.

It seems that it was a new variety of panic attack. They are never the same twice, but I always got a little bit of a warning. As a result of that attack, I had the fact that I quit driving a month earlier A Very Good Thing. I have given up high speed internet, cable TV, and car ownership which all makes a huge difference in being to do stuff around town.

I still dream about mousies; that will never stop.



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 Post subject: Re: Baja Manitoba Free Press
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:22 am 
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Ten ten eighteen; life goes on. I am enjoying the Nicollet Mall quite a bit. I live right at the end of it, and there a free bus that goes right in front of the place and runs all the way from Grant St, my street, past the Downtown Minneapolis Library. Many businesses survived the closing which lasted almost two years due to contractor mistakes.

Target is a godsend in this location. It's a department store that also has a small grocery section with a pretty good produce section right at street level. I sometimes take a quick trip on the free bus to get milk there. It takes about 20-30 minutes for a round trip. I use the free bus at least two or three times a week. I'm getting in a good bit of walking on my various visits to stores and my friends place.

Nuts and bolts work has started in my therapy and I have great hopes for it. My physical health remains about the same, with the osteosrthiritis in my hands being tha most irritating. I had an annual physical today, and was dismayed to find my Internist had never heard of replacement joints for hands. I have some joints in my fingers that don't flex at all any more. It concerns me a little, but, hey, he's an internist not am orthopedist.

He approved my suggested medication change after I had a few sick days with nausea from one of my newer drugs. I hope he goes and learns about joint replacement for hands. It would appear that the spell I had a few months ago was "just" a panic attack. I had an EKG which was as normal as can be expected. Oddly, the right branch bundle blockage that made my heart beat backwards appeared to have disappeared. I doubt the results, I do not think the assistant really knew what she was doing.

I now have a worker from a local agency to help me take care of things I need a car for, and they are also qualified as therapists, so we spend a half an hour just talking. It's been a little weird having strangers in my place and driving me around. I hope to get one that lasts for awhile. They need to be good listeners as I do go on, and on, and on......

I have been feeling pretty good in general. Thanks for reading!



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 Post subject: Re: Baja Manitoba Free Press
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2018 6:43 am 
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Always good to have a moustress check-in! :)



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 Post subject: Re: Baja Manitoba Free Press
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2019 3:17 am 
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It's been nearly a year since I checked in here. I write quite a bit on Facebook these days where I can be found under the name Louie Spooner Bucklin, in a private page.

I did quite a bit of heavy duty therapy in the last year and half; it's EMDR, and it is a remarkably powerful tool for healing from serious traumas. It is very hard work, and I am going to start a new project with my therapist tomorrow, building my ideal mother in my head. So far it has just about cured me of panic attacks and even the feelings that might lead to that, like vertigo and nausea, are very rare.

The place I am living is challenging being near downtown and has a lot of homeless folk in the vicinity as it's near a lot of the services used by the homeless. The population of this building is a bit challenging, which is not surprising considering that folks who end up in public housing often have a laundry list of personal problems. Old age, medical problem both psychiatric and physical, distressed relationships, etc. I feel like I fit in in this place.

The free bus is such a great thing about this location. I go downtown a few times a week for various things. My arthritis has progressed to point that I rarely play guitar anymore. My finger joints are deformed and have lost a lot of flexability. In all honesty, I know I'd have a hard time running a mousery like the one I used to have. I'm on the waiting list to get a one bedroom apartment when it become available. There are only about thirty of those, so it will be awhile. In the meanwhile, my little studio apartment works just fine. My arthritis is bad enough that I have some difficulty taking as good care of it as I would like.

Mice almost identical to my blue splashed line has shown up on Facebook pages. That is just GREAT! All my work has not gone to waste!



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 Post subject: Re: Baja Manitoba Free Press
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2020 12:22 am 
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This may be my last edition of my BMFP blog. I still adore meeces and I had a great time, for the most part, being a part of this Forum.

I'm on Facebook under my legal name of Lois Spooner Bucklin (Louie). Maybe you'll find me there.

Here's a last poetic contribution.

ot off my fingertips...

global

now we feel the beating heart of the world
in our hearts that ache for the deadly consequence
yes now we are one in the worst kind of way
answering that challenge we ride the swell to its end
sit on top of the behemoth of human pride and folly
say stop say stop say oh goddess please say stop
no answer there at all after breaking that holy contract
now it heaves and strains we rush to stop the gap
floods of blood and piss spill into view we gasp
seeing what it is simply that we would not know it
for the untamed wild fury of the wholeness

Louie Spooner Bucklin copyright 2020



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